If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Marcus Aurelius

Live life like a duck. Be calm and collected on the surface, but paddle like the Devil underneath.

The Crazy Garlic Woman

I am in the process of getting rid of some old blogs and making new ones. Here is one of my favorite posts from a blog in 2009:

It was like any other Saturday in New York. I made plans, took the R train from Astoria going downtown, and then decided I was too tired to do what I had planned.

This week I scheduled an improv practice session at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. I paid for it online and everything… but after sitting on the subway, and having a generally crappy week, I just wasn’t in the mood to pretend I was a robot or caveman or something ridiculous. And my friend Shaun Diston who suggested I sign up for it, dropped it as well. And in general, I was beat. So, instead of getting off at 34th Street as planned, I got off at Times Square to transfer and go back uptown.

Now near times square is W. 40th st… the most glorious place in all of New York. Just one glance leaving the subway and you can see Midtown Comics, The Drama Book Shop, AND the Midtown Buffet (Chinese)… Vices, vices, vices. All they need to put there is a shop specializing in cartoon ducks, and I would be in heaven. (Disclaimer: I am obsessed with cartoon ducks. Donald, Daffy, Scrooge, Baby Huey, you name it. Even Ducky from Land Before Time and Jar Jar Binks count… as they are funny and have bills. It’s an odd obsession).

4 hours later, after my impulsive detour, I got back on the subway to head back to Queens. I was pretty relaxed by this point… and very full. I had a copy of Y: The Last Man in one hand, and Truth in Comedy in the other. I also got the most peculiar fortune from my cookie… and it had me quite disturbed: “You enjoy races, but your horse will not win.” Looks like I won’t be betting on Old Bones this week…

I sat there for a few minutes, relieved that the car I was riding in was practically empty except for me and one woman that was an exact replica of Mokey Fraggle:

Well, naturally, the second the doors closed, this woman comes and sits directly next to me. There were empty seats everywhere, but she chose to grace me with her presence in extremely close proximity. She sat silently. I read my book. And then she pulled her “lunch” out. Now, it always disgusts me when people eat on the subway, because I just consider it the most dirty place on earth to put something in your mouth… snacks OR penises… mouths should remain closed on the subway. So there I am, trying to not look at this woman, dressed like a fucking druid, and she pulls out a container of GARLIC. Straight up, nasty ass garlic. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Are you serious?

I gave her a horrified look. “That smells wretched,” I said. “Please don’t eat that in here, you’re stinking the whole car up.”

And the following dialogue ensued:

“People like me.”

Her breath wafted straight towards my face and into my mouth. I could taste what she was eating.

“Sick.”

“I write my own poetry”

Uh oh. Here it comes. And with a breathy voice, aimed in my direction, she proceeded:

“People like me. I am liked. I am loved. People like me. I am liked. I am loved.”

By this point, I was visibly gagging, so I got up to move to the other side of the car. And she followed me!

And then she spoke faster, “People like me. I am liked. I am loved. People like me. I am liked. I am loved.”

GARLIC GARLIC GARLIC

“People like me. I am liked. I am loved. People like me. I am liked. I am loved. People like me. I am liked. I am loved.”

“Leave me alone!” I yelled.

“The moon revolves around the sun. The sun revolves around the moon. Sun. Moon. Sun. Moon. Sunny Moon…”

It was on “Sunny Moon” that the train stopped briefly at 59th and Lexington and I ran out and switched cars.

I can still taste the garlic.

-Tyler J. Gilmore


And here is my claim to fame! The 2004 Wal Mart Seinfeld Commerical!!! Man, this is sooo corny.


Here is another video I was in last year that I never got around to posting. It is a Kansas City Chiefs sketch (GO KANSAS!!!) about Shaun Smith, the guy accused of grabbing other players balls during play. This was a super fun shoot!


And here is Episode 4, Entourage.


This is Episode 3 of Behind the Steve. It is called, Meet Karl.

I freaking loved filming this. Most fun I’ve had in New York.

You can check out the entire series at www.funnyordie.com. Just search for Beind the Steve.


The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

TWO YEARS! Whoa.

So September 30th, 2010 marks my two year anniversary in New York City.

I am very proud of myself.

The past 4 weeks or so have been great too.

The film, Freakonomics, directed by Morgan Spurlock comes out in select theaters this Friday, Oct. 1. I’m in it. It was one of the first things I did in New York back in 2008.

I recently did a great role in Behind the Steve, a great web series which should go online in the next few months. Definitely check it out.

I also just shot an MTV Pilot called, Go Cause. I’m waiting to see if it gets picked up.

Improv is going well. I just finished a Will Hines 501 class (he is the best teacher of all time).We had a great class and class show. I will miss it. I learned a lot and got a lot better.

I’m in a Shannon O’Neill 501 on Wednesday nights. She is awesome. The class makes my brain explode with the exercises she has us do… but it can only help me.

I have a Delaney class on Saturdays. Scene work. This one is going to be hard. He works completely different muscles… and the people in the class are intimidating they are so freaking good. I’m just going to assume I won’t get laughs in this class and be there for the learning experience. He’s a great teacher and super nice. He’s direct, but nice. Its also nice to just work on being in the moment in a scene… like really focus on acting. I miss that.

I start a Drysdale class on Sunday. I’m super excited for that. Its a scene work class. Everyone always talks about how great she is, so I finally am taking the plunge.

I finally started Skyping with an acting coach, Bettina Devin. She is great. She has SD (my vocal disorder) and she goes untreated with Botox. She has quite a successful career as an actress. So that is cool.

I also am in The Strangers (my improv group) on Tuesdays which just added a new player, George Anasto (I’m not gonna try to spell his last name). I’m pumped about that. He’s great. He was in my Will Hines 501 class.

I’m also in another practice group with some great improvisers I love working with on Thursdays. Hopefully we end up performing at some point, but its too early to  tell.

So yeah, I’m overwhelmed. I’m trying to start getting stuff together to start pursuing an agent… getting in front of casting directors, etc.

Now that I’m at the 2 year mark, I really need to focus on getting paying work.

Go ME!

- Tyler J. Gilmore